HAPPY?

Read Swan lake's blog awhile ago and it makes me wanna write..heh.. my buddy at work suddenly told me that her friends ask her to mingle ard and meet more friends. Wat is this mingle ard and get a life kindda attitude suddenly so crap. i mean, so wat if we dun have a freaking life? Why do they care? so wat if we life in a circle and cant get out? i am very pissed off now and i dunno why. FORGET IT! went supermarket and get some things. cant believe i am having headaches at home. i dun wanna live with it. deliberately passed by the salon to check her out but she is busy cutting hair. nvm. tmr is another day but its friday and there is something on @ whyNot. Shud i or shud i not? Mr gatsby sent me an ecard yesterday.. am i just contented being this way? i can go out of the circle and mingle, i can choose my friends. Given if its you, wat will u do? i do have a choice. but issit a good choice or a bad one? i have to bear the consequence. i knew which one is good. but still i cant let go. Yes, i finally said it. Its easier said than done. I cant I CANT! somebody kill me. i hate it this way. i need help. but will i let others help? i need something else. Worldly matters. i am unhappy now. the promises i gave her. im afraid that i will really let her down. Life, theres only one. Live it. Live wat others want you to be or live it the way YOU want it to be? Paranoid. Contradicting. No one is basically there for you cos only you know the struggles in you. When will i be strong? How abt me against the world? how abt me embracing the world? which one is easier? ha! Execute me if i am against it, cos He did it and died.. But i am here still. I am not strong as He is. i still have a long way to go. i cant handle it. Really. Will you forgive me if i fall? i know if i walk out, i will be a free man as i claimed to be now but guess its not as simple as you think. The mind, body and soul.. Maybe i deserved it, cos i have come this far.. when can i put this issue to rest? i need a break.