Loss of someone

Missing someone when the person is no longer in this world might be the worst feeling of them all. Because there is nothing you can do for the person. It just ends there. You can't show any care and concern, you can't see the person and you can't talk to the person anymore. I wouldn't want to get to know the feeling but I guess I have to inevitably. To those who have lossed, you are strong. Life goes on. Maybe you will learn to cherish more, maybe you will pay more attention to the life you are living. It's only the memories that keeps it alive. Being an emo person, I wonder if I can take this pain. 

Marriage

I use to think life, is a fucking routine. You came to this world, you fucking grow up, get fucked up, find someone, get married, give birth, grow old and wait for death. It takes only 10 seconds to complete one's entire journey with that sentence. What I failed to see was the lines in between. I did fucking grow up and still is. I still get fucked up. I did find a few someones. I did not fucking get married. Because I am still fucked up. Marriage. Its fucking serious. You have to see it till the end. Eternity. Forever. Permanent. No matter how fucked up you are. Because its a fucking marriage. Because you have found someone you want to spend of your fucked up life with. That's the only thing that's not fucked up. The love that you have for each other, is not fucked up. The way you see each others life, no matter how fucked it is, your love covers all. Only love, is not fucked.  The flip side of fucking up is a fucking divorce. It's not a fucking big deal and it's so fucking easy as 123. If there's a fucking phrase that says Live, like there's no tomorrow, then fucking get married like there's no divorce. This world is already fucked up enough.  Maybe I should put it in a nicer term. Marriage is the most serious thing in my entire lifetime. It doesn't matter if I ever get married or not. Marriage is a celebration of the holiest and the purest love in communion. Some people searched for a lifetime to find the one. Count yourself lucky if you have found the one. Marriage is hard work. I've seen too many broken marriages. Stay blissfully married. Forever.

When everything else in the world doesn't matter.

Experience is yours and yours alone. No one can take it away from you.

I got pissed off recently. Speaking in good English doesn't make you an atas person. Speaking in broken English doesn't make her a dimwit. So, maybe I'm the one that's fucked up. Sorry, it should be who's and not that's.

Bellaluna vivocity

Bought a voucher from groupon on  "$23 for 60 min Botanical Fusion Oil Full Body Massage with Back Scrub at Bella Luna (Worth $180)"

I was late. My apologies. The minute I stepped in, I felt that the place is quite quiet. The receptionist Iris attended to me. I am not a person who frequents massages but I do know how to differentiate a good massage parlor or a slipshod one. I had been to the Thai odyssey, massage hut and the latest one from Spa Elements at The Cathay. 
She poured me a cup of warm (I expected green tea) water. She asked me to fill up the form, which is not as detailed as Spa Element. They did not ask whether which part of the back should they pay attention to or where my back is aching. When you go to the massage parlor, you are expected to be relaxed. I was asked about my tattoos. I felt that it's inappropriate. And she went on asking where's my workplace, how's the crowd, what are the favorite designs, why I chose this line, bla bla bla.. It's my off day and I'm talking abt work. That's a minus point.
Proceeding to the masseuse, she led me to the room to get ready my massage. I had the paper undies and shower cap on and on the bed getting ready. Then I heard the drilling works next door. Damned. As I came in, all the five rooms were empty except for one. Why was I on the very last room where it's closest to the renovation works? Another minus point.
The masseuse apologized on the renovation going on and went on starting massaging on my feet up. It was not too bad. When it came to my back, her sequence were off. It was suppose to be section by section. She rolled up my spine and started on the neck and shoulders. She went down to my lower back and then up my neck and shoulders again. I guessed she had used up all her mediocre skills and decided to use her hands to draw a big X on my back. This is the first time i encountered this stance. I also suspected she had corn on her finger as I felt it scratching on my back. Minus point.
So, it's time to turn to the front massage. Again she started on the feet which is good. Then she did the stomach. I always believe the massage should be one way, clockwise or anti clockwise. There should be a procedure to it. So she massaged my stomach, clockwise and then anti clockwise. ??? Another first. Then the chest. Nothing much.. Then came the head. As I was wearing the PLASTIC showercap, when she massage my head with the cap on, the rustling of the plastic was bloody annoying. She was at it for 10 mins. Maybe she was a shampoo girl previously. So I tot finally it was over, she went to my chest again, not kneading but putting pressure from her palms.
And off she went to take the scrub. So I tot it will be lying on my front again to get a good scrub, finally. Turns out I have to sit up. Again ??? She put the scrub on my back and began rubbing, for like 5 mins? I tot it's suppose to be 15mins? Fine. The masseuse then asked me to use the portable shower to clean myself up when she was done. So that's it. I cleaned myself and went out. Sorry, no tips for the masseuse because I dun think she did a good job, compared to Spa Elements. I did gave the masseuse a tip at Spa Elements. 
So I was in the cubicle, waiting for Iris to tell me her packages, she asked me how was the massage, I said it was ok. No point telling her so much, the massage was over anyway. She then proceed to recommend me a promotion only for that day at $50 for an hour massage. I told her I wanted to try other parlors before deciding and she insisted me to get a five hour package first that would cost $250. Why would I want to get a $250 package when I dun even enjoy the massage and was hounded abt my job when I first step in? I will not even get it even if it's free. It's not how cheap it is cos I know even if I were to get a package, it will be with spa elements. Of cos, it will be way more expensive than Bellaluna. If the service is good, I enjoy my quiet time and a good massage, why not? 
I told her no, I wouldn't want to commit myself at this time. She finally let it go and as we went out of the cubicle, she told me not to buy the voucher again as it is for one time trial only. How rude can she be? She thinks I can't read the terms and conditions? Or just because I did not buy the package from her? But then again, there won't be a next time for sure.
The massage experience from hell.

Verdict: 0.5 / 5
0.5 for the cup of ginger tea after the massage.

Being Gay = Being Happy!

I actually wanted to wait for a year later to write a post to commemorate the day but I guess I wouldn't bear to leave my blog in the cold. Facebook has been a big part of my life although I dun write much there, basically it's just time for gossiping and poking noses of what my so called friends are doing. I could be pretty anal abt some posts or even comments. Overall, life has been treating me quite well. I still didn't get the miu miu bag but I do feel happier abt my life. For one, I still love my job although there is no benefits whatsoever. I found a good traveling partner amidst of all other traveling partners I've been with. I'm also happier because I am lucky to have a way to channel my emotions out thru writing. I am quite amazed abt the things I wrote sometimes. All of the above has no monetary purposes involved being happy. As age is catching up, and I am not in denial, I believe in aging gracefully. Being happy should be one of the cures. It's simple and it's free. 

Cravings

I do have a craving for durians. You gave me a bunch of grapes instead. Should I be beaming with happiness and be grateful or go get my own indulgence of my durian satisfaction? Expectaions can become disappointments when one can only try to get one for you. You waited when you know you can get it on you own. So when you decided to get it on your own, it defeats the whole purpose of anticipating a gift on the way. I am impatient, but I am not spoilt. I got it on my own because there's no point waiting, no point reminding and no point asking for it.

My fridge now has alot of apples but I have no time to eat it!

1cent worth

-humans should stop thinking how great they are. It's sickening-

Everyone wants to, not just think how great they are. Students wanting to get the highest grades, ah tiongs coming to Sgp, maybe not just ah tiongs, many other different countrymen come to Sgp, the filipinos, banglasdeshi, vietnamese, malaysians,  thinking how great the country is. Singaporeans thinks they are greater by chasing and complaining abt how the foreigners polluting the country soil. So who is the greatest? The one whom I thought is the greatest is dead. The one who had nothing is the greatest. The one who sees everyone as equal is the greatest. She, who cared for the sick and wanted a life for everyone, not a lifestyle that everyone wants to live. Who, is able to do that? Who, would want to stop for a while and think why we humans are behaving like that? Why are we different and yet ostracize one another? Because they want to be greater than the other. They buy better cars, better houses, earn more money because they want to be greater than others. I myself, am in love with a miu miu bag now. Maybe when I get that, I will be greater than you because I have it. And I am just human, like everyone else. It's sickening. Those who want to be great and trying very hard to be one is more sickening.

That's my comment. If you see this, its too long to post on fb.

Listening to yourself can freak you out sometimes.

A road less travelled means you're gonna have bruises, cuts or even fractures. When you are whining about a tiny sand blown into your eye on a well lit paved road, I couldn't be bothered. I am annoyed actually, with your whining.

Emo quote: The only permanent marriage is only with death. Until then, it will never part.

Selfish

As we were younger, we wish to gain recognition from our parents or our elders. We know our parents are the ones who will give unconditional love to us. I grew up with a single parent. I was left with my guardian. My guardian and my cousins. My cousins were way older and they have their own kids. Parents always want the best for their children. Because thats all they have got. Their flesh and blood. My cousins fetch them from school, brought them to toy'r'us, bought them the latest toys, the latest fashion wear. They will feel proud when their children did well in school and that they will be able to tell other people how well their children had done. When they are living with their 'perfect' life, I was the extra. I would be the one carrying the grocery bags while they were carrying their babies. I would be the one that wore the unwanted clothes my cousins would throw but find that its a waste. I knew I couldn't get the attention and the love from them as they are ultimately not my family and never will be. I, was the outcast. I was fat (and still is) and had the lowest self esteem. My only cupboard of clothes was in a apple carton you see in the market. Nobody listened to me. They were busy leading their wonderful lives. I grew with envy but never hatred. Life, was a long way to go. Life, was different without parents showering me with the attention. Life, was selfish. I wasn't acting pathetic because I don't want to. I wanted to break away from all the negative thoughts but didn't know how to. My life wasn't like Oliver twist though cos I was fat. When everyone had their dinner and the leftovers were to be thrown, My guardian would force me to finish up even though I didn't want to. So, its not as obvious as ill-treating. Ha. I, grew up. I, grew up keeping my distance with my guardian, my relatives. I knew I wouldn't die without their love. I just blamed myself why was I in a broken family. I had anger management issues in school. I had no friends. I never sought help, (I think if I did, I maybe labeled Bipolar, haha)
And that was my history and its all the past. I'm happy now, never been happier.

So I learnt, Life, be selfish.
Mother Theresa will be labeled as Gong Kia. She was famous because no one could do wat she did. Nobody wants to be as stupid as she was. Be bloody selfish! I want to be selfish! Grrr!!

Have you realised that maybe the people around you, your friends didn't change. It is you who have changed. I felt a tinge of sadness. Maybe I did change. I grew up. Different people made different choices and have different experiences. I could have been worst. Be it in character or behaviour. I could have been self-centred, unreasonable, erratic or even narcistic. I am glad I didn't. Because all those doesn't matter anymore.

Finally I brought the backpack home.. I asked pa the backpack nice or not, he said " you want to become peace already. " I asked him what is peace? He said (lao)老 hippies. So backpacking trip is for 老 hippies...

Everyday anyday.

Its been 2 days. My fridge has papaya, honeydew, grapes, mangoes and oranges. 1st day I asked pa, got apples not? He said don't have. 2nd day after dinner, I asked pa again. Why no apples? He has been eating oranges every night. Then he said " No teeth how to eat?!" Now I know why he keep eating oranges cos he can't eat apples!. =S

She said she read my blog recently.. I was like its so long time ago since I last posted. Then she asked me if I'm ok... Like huh? She asked if I am self-emoing. I am not currently and wasn't emo-ing since the last post. So maybe now I get it. When I emo, I blog. Maybe when I am disappointed with humans, I blog. But that doesn't change anything. I'm tired. Really. I will be just here, all the time, complaining. Right now I'm just happy. Quietly watching what humans are up to on their longest sleeves..

I heard a rumour!

I heard a rumour saying that you only befriend the rich and not the poor.
I heard a rumour that you only wear the branded and don't eat at coffeeshops.
I heard a rumour that you are a fucking racist., calling others by the color.
I heard a rumour you are in debt and still wanna act like a rich kid.
I heard a rumour that you think too highly of yourself.
Rumours build up your character. Rumours tells me what kind of person you are. Rumours are sometimes true. Rumours are so intriguing that people always like to hear. Rumours has it that you are worthless as a friend. I'm lucky I'm not your friend. I never owe anything to you as a friend and never will as I believe being friends, there is no need to be calculative.

And I go OoMmm..

Power Yoga makes my arms sour.

Namaste.

Angels Talk

Abd Mubarak was on his way to Mecca when one night he dreamed that he was in heaven and heard two angels having a conversation.
“How many pilgrims came to the holy city this year?” one of them asked.
“Six hundred thousand”, answered the other.
“And how many of them had their pilgrimage accepted?”
“None of them. However, in Baghdad there is a shoemaker called Ali Mufiq who did not make the pilgrimage, but did have his pilgrimage accepted, and his graces benefited the 600,000 pilgrims”.
When he woke up, Abd Mubarak went to Mufiq’s shoe shop and told him his dream.
“At great cost and much sacrifice, I finally managed to get 350 coins together”, the shoemaker said in tears. “But then, when I was ready to go to Mecca I discovered that my neighbors were hungry, so I distributed the money among them and gave up my pilgrimage”.

Paulo Coelho

BUDGET CORNER

Everything costs money. The food you eat, the clothes you wear. Everything comes with a price. The more expensive it is the better. People will think the money they spent was well worth it. The branded cars, the gadgets they carry, the bags they bought. It gives them the mind to think that's they are of a higher status. It's called materialism. They worked really hard for it to maintain the lush lifestyle they felt were better off than what they did not have in the past. They will also work doubly hard to be even better off than what they currently have now. It's called discontentment. How does one truly be happy? How does one truly UNDERSTAND being in poverty also does have happiness? How does one BELIEVE contentment brings joy to the tiniest thing that has happened, be it good or bad? Have FAITH and TRUST that life, is celebrated on its own, not by products.
How about buying a friendship?.
How much is a friendship? 5years worth of time is maybe much more worthy compared to 10yrs. It's quite worthless because it depreciates over time. First impression is always the most expensive because one has to do up all the superficial presentation one can get. As the friendship proceed in years, there's basically nothing to be shown. Since the friendship now becomes free, one can be free to betray, free to exploit or even free to reign the friendship over one's benefit. Manouvering this friendship to one's favour. If it doesn't work out, make more new friends and be merry! We are rich anyway! Years wasn't the issue, the issue is ; one's words can kill years of friendship. Words are free by the way. Freedom of speech. Freedom to choose your friendship. How much does yours cost?