Marriage? Or just love?

"You loved so many in your life, but the one that you are gonna marry, must be the one that loves you more than you love him, then you will get your happiness."

How true is that? How much love can you give to that person so that she can feel loved? Maybe just thinking abt the person makes you feel loved. Maybe the small lil things that she does makes you feel loved. Love, is just a feeling, a good feeling, a very fantastic feeling that no one wanna be without. But the fact is that once the feeling is no longer around, how miserable it can get? Its just like racing. You love the wind, the speed, the excitement, but it crashed. Reality checked. The consequences. The hurt, the time to recover. Get back on your feet again. Will you speed again? Do you miss the feeling? Are you able to bear the consequences? Wat are we really after?

The Truth

Seems like everyone has a theory of everything, if not, a reason for certain actions and for those who dun need explanation, its all excuses. So ultimately, where is the truth? Does it need all the facts, the sincerity, the bottom of my heart truth? There is no right or wrong, its just whether you want to win the argument or not. There is always 2 sides of the story, so which one is the truth? What is the truth? Is it easier to listen to lies then?

I am so in love with this song right now..

i seriously need to read a good book. Enlightenment.

love & hate

when u are in love with a person, even when she is shitting, you will think its sweeeet. When you think the person owes you too much, even she buy you gifts, you will think its worthless. Is this hate?

Seriously,

Shit happens in life. So far, i haven't shit in my pants yet. The grass is still greener on my side. I am living in a garden for now. When you lost something that you treasured so much, you realised that there is something else more precious than that. Once you walked thru the shadow, you can find light on the other side. Take the time to enjoy the pain cos you know you won't be able to feel it again for the longest time. Being positive has never been my virtue but watever shit happens now, nothing will be compared to the times I've been thru although it wouldn't be that bad either. No one can take away your experiences you had, the pain you suffered, the loss that you felt. That's you. Get over it and move on to the next chapter in life. But still, we are all humans, filming mtv once a while wouldn't hurt.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Lyrics Kelly Clarkson Never Again Lyrics

**MagiC**

Passing Time

Months pass by just a blink of an eye, and i am still enjoying wat i'm doing. Its the first time in the longest time that i havent start to whine and bitch abt life. Life. Live it. Superficial, forget it. Here's a little conversation..

Scene 1
A:Where are you working now?
B:Malaysia as an apprentice.
A:Huh? Why m'sia?

Scene 2
A:Where are you working now?
B: Japan as a cleaner.
A:Wah! Japan leh!!

How good can you get?

Why do you care?

You care because you are a busybody or you care because you genuinely showing concern? How many times you heard some other people's life and pass comments like it none of ur business and make judgements when you dun even know what really happen? People are so ignorant but they think they know, they dun. How much do you really know? So stop pretending. Just shut up. Stop thinking that you are greater, smarter, whatever than anybody else.
**Dun outsmart yourself, it will only make you look dumb. *gRRR*

Disconnecting...

What happens when u are disconnected from this world and takes on to the unknown? Sense of fear? Lost? Or sense of excitement? adrenaline? many times its just choices. left or right? yes or no? buy or not to buy? go or not to go? How many times u know urself better but u hear otherwise from friends? Do they know u better than u know urself? Is that self-centred? I think i am crazy. The world is way bigger than myself. There are way too many possibilities. I just dun want to stay the way it is for me. Period.

Searching....

To those who haven't know, i have already officially closed down my retail shop a few months back and now currently busy doing something else, which is tattooing. Running business is not easy, and i am glad i gain the experience. So anyone who is interested in having a tattoo or a cover up or repair, please let me know. For now, i am going to work.

I'm FeeLinG EViL!

**We can't handle the differences & yet we are complaining of being still the same.**


I was taking a bus in the evening one day and something happened on the bus which shocked me. As it was evening time, there were quite a number of joggers ard. I was in a bus with with a few passengers. The driver was an indian. One skinny male jogger board the bus and asked the driver where the bus leads to. The driver din even have the time to answer, the jogger spat on the driver and went down. Stunned. The first thing that came to my mind was: Racist or wat? I was angered. The driver closed the door and the jogger came again and knocked the door. The driver ignored him and took out his hanky to wipe the spit off his face. When he drove off, the jogger can still gave a thumbs up.
I really admired the driver whom was still so composed and continued driving but I guess there is nothing much he can do anyway. I really hope that those people who they judge by skin color, nationality or anything other physical means will grow cancer cells and die. We are all human beings as whole, as a person, whom we cannot choose what color we want, where we want to be borned and raised. You think what? The Sims ar?
Putting down on people's character based on skin color. How shallow is that? You shud be ashamed and go die cos you have wasted your whole life judging others and yet dunno people are also judging you. If all were the same color, wouldn't remarks be diminished? But what color shud it be? purple? The color that was never seen on people. So that people will not feel more superior or inferior. See each other into the eye and respect them as human being just like you and me. GRrrRR!!

Torture!

Went facial with mum yesterday. I know my face is like shit, even the beautician also said: Wah! its a challenge.. she asked my mum to take package, which is $450 for 14 sessions. And she paid. The session was a nightmare. PAIN! more painful than being tattooed! Damn. The lady said no choice, have to squeeze everything out. I have a choice, I dun wanna go already. After that, my mum said I have to take care of my face, use water wash face is the bast, keep the face clean, I was thinking, then why must go facial if use water can gao dim. The last sentence she said was the best. She said "Your face looks older than your mother's." Wah piang. She win already. I have to finish the package. Must look younger than her, so much money, pay for me go slimming centre then can get married already lor. =Þ

Truthfully,

how many times can you be so ever truthful to your friends? How much her words hurt, how kpo she can be, how she behaved that not much pple like her but you still her friend, how ignorant she can be, how hot tempered she can be, how loud she annoys others? How fat she became,how demanding she is, how superficial she gets, how she thinks too highly of herself? I guess not, cos you dun want her to get hurt cos she is ur friend. You dun wanna to talk abt it cos it doesn't matter, it is getting no where, there will be more quarrels, and ultimately, its the end of the relationship. So you chose to be tolerant, you chose to ignore, and you began to feel resentful, you feel like its ur fault, you felt that you shud tell her how you feel. Those incidents that caused all these hate. But soon, you just leave it there and you drift away. Like one of my best friend said "You killed ur friends and they die also dunno why" I admit I am not that good either, so lets make new friends. Period. I can't tolerate you no more, just like the others. Communication let me down cos it only makes more complications. Maybe thats why I have become an introvert. ha.

Thesis?

My friend asked me what happened to my blog; and as usual, people got busy, get sick and tired of blogging, and there are thousand and one things u can say to put it off like many things had happened, dunno where to start on telling, there are too many things on the mind, and finally; maybe i shud just shut it down. Full stop. I have been trying to write non stop on what comes to my mind, but i guess that would get too many people involve, cos its the people that gets ur mind going and going and going and going.. I always think that seeing a psychiatrist is for the rich cos they have nothing better to do, they just need someone to talk to. I want to become rich. No matter how much i write, how loud i shout, how annoyed i become, the world is not going to change becos of me. my friends wouldnt change, i wouldnt change, they dun change, why shud i change? so all dun change. Say if i change, i agree on all the things they said, becos its their mindset, i agree to abcdefg to z, whats become of me? nothing. Did i become a pushover? If i disagree, i shout and scream, I get my point across, then they said why cant i change? So now i have to change. Then why dun u change to accomodate me then? The truth is change change lah, who cares? dun like, walk away lor. there has been some changes indeed. I prefer to lead a slower pace of life. I get less angry, i pay attention to the things i do, getting away the stress at work, the politics and the PR towards colleagues. Maybe i take things too seriously that i cant cope with the world, the people, the whatever. i tot abt death a few weeks back. i'm the kind of person that think of such things which i dun quite understand it myself either. theres nothing much this world can offer me cos i am not intending to offer anything to the world anyway. most of other peoples lives are more or less stabled down and even if they are not stable, its not my problem. I dare to challenge life, doing stunts physically, but not mentally. I get emotionally drained that i want to give up. The dare devil versus the cowardice in me. I am contradicting. I have split personality and i want to see a psychiatrist but i am not rich. My step aunt once told me that i have to get married at 28 if not, i cry myself to sleep from then onwards. ha. my future looks bleak, not becos i am coming to 28 and hoping to get married but cant situation, its just that i havent found one rich gf that can afford the fees that i am going to pay when i see a psychiatrist. Looks like i will have to invest on one waterproof pillow soon and sign up for some facial packages once i reach 28. I am still thinking of shutting it down this blog..