Grieve..

i just dun wanna talk abt it. Things are just unpredictable sometimes.

One week later..

what have i been doing? nothing much.. keeping myself offline recently.. met up with mum and she said my hair is growing long.. need a cut, so i gladly went. =) we chatted a lil and my other me suddenly tells me that they both are tog.. wearing the same bracelet, answering her msges and having the same hp accessory? well.. thats abt it. but she look really nice.. really.. anywayz, i have other things to think abt.. well, yes.. talk abt infatuation.. sick and tired of this world... lala.. dunno wat song is singing on radio... nice.. reading a book now.. called purpose driven life. cant seem to get enuff of it. everything in the book is like an eye opener to me. lemme recall wat i have actually done over the weekends... went to get a new handfone with a new no. bought the tix for the mergers and wills show. hope everything will be in order.. i just sense that something is not going rite.. weird me.

Today is tuesday, lets talk abt sunday.

Ok, sunday, we were suppose to go sentosa for a tan but someone said that it will rain. Well, it turns out to be hoax..bleh.. went to K house instead.. Her soup is really fantastic..mushroom soup.. makes me wanna cook the recipe this sunday... maybe friday cos i on leave.. we watched L word and its quite a nice show although its quite draggy.. Emotional draining.. but u can pick up some pointers there.. well, i was just thinking whether lesbianism, issit just a kind of lifestyle that we are so use to it that we cant shake it off? Nobody can actually have the perfect answer for that cos when i went down town a few weeks back, there are like so many of  'us' hanging ard. i can see them as young as like 15? Issit just a fashion statement or wat? *scratch head* maybe i am just old. lets stop talking abt it. Thursday i am going karaoke with them and friday i am on leave.. heh.. did i say that already? cos someone is jealous.. =Þ thats quite about it. i am brain dead for now..

There goes my door..

Came home after karaoke-ing with gatsby and found my door was locked.. Nevermind, i've got the keys to open but I cant seem to open it. Started to freak out and called pa for help.. I had to pry open my windows to see wat is freaking wrong.. Turned out that the knob was faulty.. After fixing the knob like knocking it off and digging it out, its done. Took 1 freaking hour, i finally broke into my room.. and now i hafta change the whole freaking door.. Blame it on luck! Pui!

I have a child?

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Where's my jane?

Tarzan!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Orange is my fave color? So is my heart?

Your Heart is Orange


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday!

Had a nice sleep.. the weather is cold.. *yawnz* wondering wat i'm doin today.. maybe i can get my ass up and do some vacuuming, changing bedsheets and my laundry, if i can get the things done by today... feel like eating BK again.. ha. i had that yesterday. cant seem to get sick of my whopper.. i need to go the bank too.. my mum is coming back today. wondering if she is cooking today, =D think she is coming back in the nite. i wanna sleep again.. just snuggling will do. i can be as lazy as as i want, but still need to do some stuff.. will grouchy ask me out? have been thinking abt my cat dying.. wat will i do? J asked me wats with everybody doing the blogging? i told her maybe its they have so many things to say but no one is listening.. i want to get a book. or shud i not? The Narcissist. i need to cook. my veg is turning yellow. have to wash the dishes. i need to go to the loo. i think thats enuff. i really need to go... to the loo.

Xiao Gang's concert

Dead tired. Concert was okay, its FOC, so no complaints. my first local concert is to watch him.. how weird. Special appearance is the person who sang 'Hua Xiang' guy.. Luckily i had a latte before i went. i am hungry now. i want to sleep. Shut down.

Happy ENding?

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

:::PEACE!!!:::

i am on leave today. i was suppose to sleep till noon today. i am pissed off now becoz my freaking neighbour woke me up!!!!!! i cant stand it anymore! i feel like i am living in a lunatic house! Everyday i try to accommodate their autistic girl abt her screamings and fuck why shud i do that? I've really have enuff. u may say i have no compassion, try living with it for the pass 3 freaking years!! ROAR!!!! i wanna call the police and ask them to move! why did they move here anyway? Must be the neighbours had enuff of them too. having major headache now cos yesterday drank all sorts of crap. Met some familiar faces whom i can still talk to. somebody is obviously trying to hard to get the things they want. i look at them, boy please get a grip of urself. you really look so desperate. sorry to say that. even though u manage to get that girl u want, ur reputation is already on the floor. Dun you know that? freaking sad. look at wat u've become. the thought of it gives me headaches. please get it off my mind, for goodness sake. maybe that is the way u are saying, socialize, meet more pple.. but pple are actually commenting abt you.. hmm.. thats something to think abt. u want company or u want reputation. wat a harsh world it is. it doesnt look that fantastic after all. Guess i'm comfortable this way. just know the pple and chat abit is good. Hi, Bye.

crap! i AM complaining!!

Argh!! yesterday when i tried to write my blog, it was unsucessful, i dunno whether this time it works, all thanks to my XB.. d/led dunno wat anti-popping program..WTF??
i survived monday cos my "ke xing" is on mc today and i told my beloved E.T i am gay...buahahah! think i must be mad. she dun believe me, and hanie, pls dun be shocked if u read this..heh.. she said i am the most unpretentious creature in the world, which is true except for my identity.. actually i am agent alimama.. keke.. i felt the load off my mind when i told her that. still waiting for her to gimme her blog address which she is so secretive abt.. wonder wats in there? crap lor.. act mysterious only... my skin is peeling off my face and i am like a snake now... there goes my tanning session..when will i have a nice tan? Hiakz.. read something nice on todays straits times life! which i zapped it out for my future reference if i have the chance to read it the next time and think tht will be like donkey years from now.. it was abt salvaging failed marriages against everything and it actually answer my questions on my previous blog abt my evil sista! here comes: [When you nurse a grudge, you think that you are punishing the others party. But its a poison that ends up killing yourself] The paradox is that by giving this gift to the other, it is the gift-giver who becomes psychological healed.If the person purposely wants to make you hate her, then i've got nothing to say.. which i've had a discussion with E.T, or maybe i've not master the art of forgiveness yet. I'm not talking abt mariages but on r/s for now. Like i said, easier said than done. Well, the auntie did it, to forgive her spouse on infidelity, why cant we? anyway we are not bounded by anything black and white. why take it so hard? We can call the auntie stupid, maybe she dun have financial support on her own or even say she is weak, which is none of the above. she decided to stay on. Can we even do that? Can we be able to just forgive? Who is the real fighter? Or are we the sore losers? ha. Or issit just ego? Go figure it yourself.. coz i also hafta face the wall and think.

Laksa frensy or hum frensy?

Was at home the whole day and only just went out to take a breather. hooked on starbucks latte. dunno why.. they say it cures headaches.. yah cos after drinking it, i am well! its a miracle!.bleh..grouchyked and jess were here to eat my laksa and had one take away for wah. Issit becoz of the hums? seriously, i dunno.. working tmr again. i dread going to work now... must be my lazybones acting again.. haiz.. everyday is a routine.. when will it be friday again? need to sleep to slog my ass off tmr....

Evil sista!!

went out early today.. suppose to meet J at 1145 going to sentosa for tanning.. waited for her and her gf to fetch me but was told that she was lost and cant find her way out..... staying in west side, fancy getting lost in west side.. anyways, waited for 15 mins and luckily kk was also driving and she fetched me instead. happily went for tanning and chit chatting.. J asked me whether im hanging out with mr gatsby, i said yah.. cos i cant find anyone to go out with sometimes.. and she said to ask xxx out. i told her we are 2 diff personalities and that we dun really click that well.. must be mad. was with her for so long and now i am saying this. i dun mind going out with a group of pple along with her.. After sentosa, i was suppose to go east coast for bbq cos its Xiaobears sis birthday. waiting again... 15 mins for my grouchyked and wah zai to meet me at harbourfront. finally reached our destination. Xiaobear told me something. There is always limitations in our lives. as long as you are happy. i am. i am trying to. guess i cant accomodate those pple that pisses me off anymore cos when i think of it, i do get angry. as far as i tried, i am no saint. we cant live happily ever after. why shud i be kind enuff to them when they think they actually deserve it? they dun.. i am actually doing them a favour.. i am getting insane to be kind to everyone and think it shud be this way. maybe its just her. my e-pal told me: you think its nothing but there is something.. sometimes words kill like any other thing that cuts superficially. i wonder why. Just dun step onto my tail, i will bite this time. **ROAR**

from sugarfly's other half,
the Evil Sista!

HAPPY?

Read Swan lake's blog awhile ago and it makes me wanna write..heh.. my buddy at work suddenly told me that her friends ask her to mingle ard and meet more friends. Wat is this mingle ard and get a life kindda attitude suddenly so crap. i mean, so wat if we dun have a freaking life? Why do they care? so wat if we life in a circle and cant get out? i am very pissed off now and i dunno why. FORGET IT! went supermarket and get some things. cant believe i am having headaches at home. i dun wanna live with it. deliberately passed by the salon to check her out but she is busy cutting hair. nvm. tmr is another day but its friday and there is something on @ whyNot. Shud i or shud i not? Mr gatsby sent me an ecard yesterday.. am i just contented being this way? i can go out of the circle and mingle, i can choose my friends. Given if its you, wat will u do? i do have a choice. but issit a good choice or a bad one? i have to bear the consequence. i knew which one is good. but still i cant let go. Yes, i finally said it. Its easier said than done. I cant I CANT! somebody kill me. i hate it this way. i need help. but will i let others help? i need something else. Worldly matters. i am unhappy now. the promises i gave her. im afraid that i will really let her down. Life, theres only one. Live it. Live wat others want you to be or live it the way YOU want it to be? Paranoid. Contradicting. No one is basically there for you cos only you know the struggles in you. When will i be strong? How abt me against the world? how abt me embracing the world? which one is easier? ha! Execute me if i am against it, cos He did it and died.. But i am here still. I am not strong as He is. i still have a long way to go. i cant handle it. Really. Will you forgive me if i fall? i know if i walk out, i will be a free man as i claimed to be now but guess its not as simple as you think. The mind, body and soul.. Maybe i deserved it, cos i have come this far.. when can i put this issue to rest? i need a break.