Thesis?

My friend asked me what happened to my blog; and as usual, people got busy, get sick and tired of blogging, and there are thousand and one things u can say to put it off like many things had happened, dunno where to start on telling, there are too many things on the mind, and finally; maybe i shud just shut it down. Full stop. I have been trying to write non stop on what comes to my mind, but i guess that would get too many people involve, cos its the people that gets ur mind going and going and going and going.. I always think that seeing a psychiatrist is for the rich cos they have nothing better to do, they just need someone to talk to. I want to become rich. No matter how much i write, how loud i shout, how annoyed i become, the world is not going to change becos of me. my friends wouldnt change, i wouldnt change, they dun change, why shud i change? so all dun change. Say if i change, i agree on all the things they said, becos its their mindset, i agree to abcdefg to z, whats become of me? nothing. Did i become a pushover? If i disagree, i shout and scream, I get my point across, then they said why cant i change? So now i have to change. Then why dun u change to accomodate me then? The truth is change change lah, who cares? dun like, walk away lor. there has been some changes indeed. I prefer to lead a slower pace of life. I get less angry, i pay attention to the things i do, getting away the stress at work, the politics and the PR towards colleagues. Maybe i take things too seriously that i cant cope with the world, the people, the whatever. i tot abt death a few weeks back. i'm the kind of person that think of such things which i dun quite understand it myself either. theres nothing much this world can offer me cos i am not intending to offer anything to the world anyway. most of other peoples lives are more or less stabled down and even if they are not stable, its not my problem. I dare to challenge life, doing stunts physically, but not mentally. I get emotionally drained that i want to give up. The dare devil versus the cowardice in me. I am contradicting. I have split personality and i want to see a psychiatrist but i am not rich. My step aunt once told me that i have to get married at 28 if not, i cry myself to sleep from then onwards. ha. my future looks bleak, not becos i am coming to 28 and hoping to get married but cant situation, its just that i havent found one rich gf that can afford the fees that i am going to pay when i see a psychiatrist. Looks like i will have to invest on one waterproof pillow soon and sign up for some facial packages once i reach 28. I am still thinking of shutting it down this blog..